I spent a few days in the hospital this weekend, and I had some Deep
Philosophical Personal Rambling Ponderings
that I would also like to
share with y'all:
During all that time lying and thinking, a
lot of pondering went on. I stared at that Health Care Directive and
realized how single I am. Right now, sure there are people that could be
added to it to make those decisions. But, if I stay here in
NOrth Dakota, and being the youngest sibling and cousin, when I do
finally get old, I definitely will be alone with none to make those
decisions.
I have been able to tolerate the political
conservative climate here in North Dakota for a good while, but this
current Legislative session makes me question my toleration.
I
know I have a disconnect with the gay community here in Bismarck, for
many reasons I am sure, but mostly because I am too out, authentic nor
discrete about being gay. As well, I have disconnect with immediate
family descendants of Dad and Mom, probably for the same reason. I have
tons of straight friends who welcome me openly into their circles. The
fact was shown this weekend. I am able to count on one hand the number
of gay friends who made any sort of connection whatsoever, even with a
simple "LIKE" on any of the postings. Is that a true barometer of
connect, I don't know.
So, why do I even stay, since there is
no hope whatsoever for a decent relationship-for-life in this town,
since there is no hope of a political climate hospitable for the gay
community. The gay guys that are out, so many have force-fit themselves
into a relationship for the sake of avoiding being single. Or, the gay
guys are so deep in the closet, oftentimes because they are married. And
within my age bracket, there are no gay guys who are out and authentic
and received by straight friends whilst being gay. The fact is simple, I
am a hopeless romantic who simply does not want to be old, gray and
alone.
Washington state? Colorado? Savannah, Georgia?
Maryland? I have not the funds for moving, nor even for the upcoming
deluge of out-of-pocket expense from this hospital visit. Whee.
Thinkings will continue. Just keep on continuing to cling to YHWH, that is my course of action.
