So last week was a really difficult week. We had Franklin Graham in
Bismarck on Wednesday, we had Donald Trump in Bismarck on Thursday.
Friday was troublesome.
It
was the day that my psychiatrist decided to start working on discussing
ways to start dealing with past trauma in my life that I've never dealt
with. Unfortunately it did open a couple doors of which I've been able
to securely shot since then. But it hurts, it's painfu, it's terrifying.
I know I am supposed to deal with this. But, I don't want to.
Saturday
was Troublesome as well. Imagine that. My brother Clifford had texted
me that he was driving through Bismarck on his way to Dickinson and he
would like to meet for lunch. So a little bit about Clifford. He and his
wife, I've always considered to be allies, Advocates, friends. After
his wife died though it seemed Clifford had taken a 180 on me.
So
I figured out our lunch I was going to finally asked him what is what.
So I did. To which he responded that he'd never did approve and it was
only his wife. I asked him about people telling me that he had stood in
support of me against the other siblings who were speaking bad of me.
His answer was that he had never done any of that, he never did approve
of me.
What am I supposed to do with that. Who among my siblings family do I trust. Are they just giving me lip service?
When
I texted a couple cousins that I trust, their response simply was that
you do know he loves you. What kind of love is it when a brother Point
Blank tells you that he does not approve of you.
I honestly do not know what to do anymore. If I simply walk away, they will somehow use that against me. What do I do?
End of rambling for tonight.
